


Flaming Hearts (And Eyes)

by ArticulateFiction



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, Funny, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Please try not to pepper spray your boyfriends, Romantic Comedy, Silly, rose apothecary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 18:30:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17627426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArticulateFiction/pseuds/ArticulateFiction
Summary: David accidentally pepper-sprays Patrick. Oh, come on... you know you want to find out how.





	Flaming Hearts (And Eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, friends! Just a fun story I wrote featuring my favourite TV couple. :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!
> 
> -ArticulateFiction

 

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Flaming Hearts (And Eyes)

 

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“You sure you’re going to be okay handling inventory on your own, tonight?” Patrick asked guiltily as he pulled his jacket on and grabbed his keys, heading for the door. The Rose Apothecary had received a late shipment of a new skin-care product line that they had been expecting six hours previously, and the entire stock had to be sorted and counted before they opened in the morning - ten  _ massive  _ boxes worth. 

 

“I’m sure I’ll be able to handle it,” David replied coolly, arms across his chest and eyes on the floor as he followed Patrick over to the door to see him off. 

 

Patrick’s shoulders sagged at the sight of his mopey partner. He blew out a breath of frustration, then moved closer and put his hands on both of David’s shoulders, ducking his head slightly to try to catch his eye. “You know I’d stay and help if I  _ could _ .” As much as he loved to tease him, he hated to  _ upset  _ his boyfriend. But, he had promised Ray - who was taking his elderly mother to a specialist appointment in Elmdale and staying overnight - that he’d make sure he’d be home between 6pm and 9pm to let the plumbing company in. A pipe in their basement had burst the night before, and nearly a foot of water had collected on the floor. 

 

David seemed to soften marginally. “I know,” he said sulkily, eyes darting around in the general direction of Patrick’s face. “I suppose the small lake in your basement is important, too...” Hesitantly, he finally made eye contact and gave Patrick a small smile that showed he didn’t blame him anymore, easing Patrick’s guilt just a bit. 

 

Patrick returned the smile, feeling slightly relieved. “You’ll call me when you’re done for the night, though?” 

 

“Yes,” David answered with a good-natured roll of his eyes, finally uncrossing his arms and snaking them around Patrick’s neck instead. “But if you don’t hear from me, promise me you’ll come and make sure I haven’t suffocated under an avalanche of moisturizer and anti-wrinkle masks.” 

 

Patrick smirked as his arms wrapped behind David’s back. “I promise.” He leaned in to give him a goodbye kiss before reluctantly extracting himself from David’s grip and opening the door to leave. “Okay, I’ll talk to you later.” 

 

“Bye,” David replied with a small, affectionate wave, his irritation of having to do inventory on his own seemingly gone.

 

Patrick looked back once more as he started walking down the street, his stomach swooping and his grin spreading a little more when he saw David was still watching him leave with a shy smile of his own.

 

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David bopped his head along to the music coming from the earbuds he was wearing, his pen ticking through the list of products he had on his clipboard as he worked in the back room. He hadn’t been super pleased to realize he was going to be doing the job on his own the closer closing time came without a delivery, but he eventually decided in the end that he couldn’t really blame Patrick for having an emergency at home. Contrary to popular belief, he wasn’t  _ completely  _ unreasonable. 

 

He was trying to make the most of it. He didn’t normally get to work to music, and he found it was helping make the time and mechanical actions of inventory go by much quicker than they normally did. He’d already been at it for a couple of hours and was on the last box from the delivery. Checking his phone’s clock, he mentally patted himself on the back to see it was 8:30pm and that he’d probably get home by 9pm if he finished counting and stocking the last box quickly. At least he’d have a couple of hours left in his evening to relax before bed. 

 

He could feel his spirits picking up the closer he came to freedom. Allowing himself to get carried away with the last chorus of the Tina Turner song blaring in his ears, he mouthed along with the song and danced without regard in the small space between the shelves and boxes stacked around him. An enthusiastic twirl in place got away from him, and he accidentally kicked one of the plungers they stored in the back. He winced slightly as it fell over with a  _ thump _ , then cringed at his own lack of grace and stood it back up properly in its original place, glad that nobody was around to have witnessed it. 

 

The song ended and he went back to the box, ready to finish the job and get home. There was a couple of seconds of silence in between song tracks, just long enough for a sudden  _ crash  _ from behind him to startle him. The noise caused him to instantly jump and turn towards the showroom, his hands covering his mouth to muffle any reactive noise he could have made. 

 

He ripped the earbuds that were starting to play the next song out of his ears and stood perfectly still, straining to hear as he stared into the darkness of the showroom with wide eyes. His hammering heartbeat pumped through his ears even faster as he realized with a jolt that he hadn’t locked the front door - he had simply shut the lights off in the front so that customers would know they were closed and had intended to lock it when he left for the night. He prayed that whatever he heard had come from outside as he continued to stand rooted to the ground, paralyzed with fear.

 

His hopes were soon dashed and he closed his eyes and opened his mouth with a silent gasp as he heard a second sound - this one significantly less loud, but distinct nonetheless. It had definitely come from inside his store. It sounded as if someone was setting an object on the floor, probably the object that they had knocked down by mistake judging from the first noise. He swallowed thickly as he continued to listen with firmly shut eyes to what he now realized were footsteps slowly tiptoeing around the entrance and towards the cash register. 

 

He tried to decide on the fly what he should do, a million different scenarios passing behind his eyes at each solution he came up with. He knew if he made his presence known, the intruder may make a run for it. He knew they may also, however, try and attack to shut him up. He wondered if he should try and flee through the back door, and if he’d even make it there before the intruder found him. Then he contemplated whether or not he could just try and defend himself. He opened his eyes slowly, willing his breath and his heart-rate to slow in order to keep his impending panic to a minimum. The footsteps were slowly creaking along the floor, closer towards the very room he was in, and he knew he had to make a decision. 

 

Making his mind up, he began to creep as well - over towards the little shelf on the wall just to the left of the entrance to the backroom. On it stood a small, compact can of pepper spray. Although the police hadn’t taken the robbery he and Stevie had recently endured at the store very seriously, David had insisted to Patrick that the store needed to invest in some sort of security upgrade. Patrick, not seeming keen on the expensive camera equipment David had pitched to him, compromised by showing up the next day with the small aforementioned can - although he was fairly insistent that David was overreacting and would never need to use it. 

 

_ ‘Overdramatic’ my fucking ass, _ David thought to himself smugly, in spite of the situation. 

 

He had finally reached the shelf just as he heard the intruder rounding the cash register counter, only a couple of meters away from entering the back room now. He was shaking with fear as he leaned against the wall, clutching the spray to his chest and trying his hardest not to whimper. He closed his eyes and summoned all his courage as he waited for the mysterious being to get a little closer so that he wouldn’t miss his only shot. 

 

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Patrick practically ran up the sidewalk the rest of the way to the store’s entrance after parking down the street, huffing with exertion. He had tried to make it back to the store as quickly as possible after the plumber had left the house. He had been fortunate in that the guy had shown up at his door right at 6pm, and even more so when the man had finished everything he needed to do by 8pm. It may not have been much, but at least Patrick could help with the tail end of the inventory. He might even get to convince David to spend the evening at his place when they were done if they got everything finished with enough time to spare. 

 

He abruptly stopped in front of the door and was surprised to find all the lights off. He wondered if David had already finished and had just failed to call him to let him know. He didn’t think it’d have been possible for one person to get through all that inventory in a couple of hours, but stranger things had happened. He took his key out of his pocket and put it into the lock of the door, only to find the door was still unlocked. Cautiously, he opened the door, entering slowly and feeling nervous about the door being unlocked.  _ Surely David must still be inside if he left the door unlocked… _ he thought to himself. 

 

“David?” he called out firmly into the pitch black area, closing the door behind him. The ancient streetlight outside of the store did nothing to help light the interior. “You in here?” He noted that although the front lights were off, the back room’s light had been left on. “David?” he repeated even louder, ensuring that his voice would carry into the back. 

 

There was no reply. Deciding David must really have forgotten to lock the store, he rolled his eyes in frustration and started feeling his way through the darkness towards where he knew the lightswitch was, mentally planning the dressing down he’d give to his boyfriend in the morning for not only neglecting basic security measures, but running up the hydro bill as well. 

 

His foot suddenly stopped mid-stride before he could make it to the lightswitch. A  _ thump _ had just come from the back room. Unease began to flush through him as he realized that although David may not be here, somebody else might be. Somebody who heard Patrick calling out and chose not to reply. 

 

_ Dammit, David! _

 

It wasn’t a far leap to make to assume that someone had taken advantage of their unlocked front door… keeping the lights off in the front and stealing stuff from the back to avoid being seen through the front windows… it’s what Patrick would do if he was a thief. Except now, the apparent thief was separated from the unlocked exit by Patrick. Did he know he had been heard? Or did he think he was safe as long as he remained quiet? 

 

Regardless, Patrick wasn’t going to give him the chance to escape - or to attack him first. Moving away from the lightswitch and tiptoeing towards where he knew the giant metal umbrella rack was instead, he reached his arm out and grabbed for the tallest one he could find. Unfortunately, his vision was strongly impaired by the blackness around him, and he managed to knock the entire rack down with a massive  _ crash _ as he pulled the umbrella out. He winced and bit his bottom lip, fully expecting the thief to run out of the backroom and confront him. A few long seconds went by, but nothing happened.  _ Maybe the thief is still trying to pretend he isn’t here… _

 

He quickly felt around on the floor for the rack and the other umbrellas and stood them back up as quietly as he could - although, not as quietly as he’d have liked. He resumed his slow creep towards the back room and the dim light emanating from it, umbrella at the ready to swing out as needed. He rounded the cash register counter, positive that he could now hear the thief moving around himself in the small back room.  _ Too late, buddy,  _ he thought to himself, almost at the room’s opening and ready to block the thief’s only exit. 

 

Taking a deep breath, he jumped into the doorway, his arms swinging the umbrella back like a baseball bat and aiming to strike his target. At the exact moment he had jumped, the figure in the back room had also jumped out in front of him with the most frantic, highest-pitched scream Patrick had ever heard. Underneath the ridiculous scream was the sound of a pressurized canister spraying, and his face was suddenly covered in something wet. His eyes instantly shut at the intrusion before he could finish carrying through on his swing, resulting in his umbrella missing his target’s head and instead smacking off his ribs instead.

 

The intense burning behind his eyelids was nearly instant. He cried out in pain and instinctively brought his hands up to rub at his eyes, while the figure in front of him simultaneously doubled over at the hit against his side with a groan of his own that ended the shrill scream he had been emitting. A bolt of recognition struck through Patrick as he realized he knew exactly who that groan belonged to, but the pain he was feeling was far too strong to allow him to be relieved about it. 

 

“ _ David _ ?!” he yelled out hysterically, unable to open his eyes to visually confirm his assailant’s identity. A tiny  _ click _ told him that David had just turned the lights on in the showroom. 

 

“ _ Patrick _ ?!” David sounded just as manic as him as he realized what he had done. “Oh my  _ GOD,”  _ he screeched, instantly reaching both hands out to grab Patrick’s shoulders as he dropped the pepper spray onto the floor with a  _ clang _ . “ _ What _ are you  _ doing-? _ ” 

 

“What are  _ YOU  _ doing?!” Patrick countered indignantly, unable to contain his frustration with the substance scorching both his eyeballs and his skin. He could now taste the substance in his mouth, the burning that was starting in his throat mingling with the pain he already felt in his eyes, and he began to cough. 

 

“I was defending the  _ STORE! _ ” David yelled back with frenzied distress, his voice increasing several octaves. He crouched down below Patrick’s level to try and look at his face, his hands redundantly trying to offer comfort by rubbing up and down Patrick’s shoulders. 

 

“SO WAS  _ I! _ ” Patrick managed to get out around his coughing, his hands still desperately rubbing at his eyes in an attempt to soothe the burning, to absolutely no avail. “Why didn’t you answer me when I called out for you?!” 

 

Patrick tried his best to open his eyes to look at David, but they were starting to tear up. He saw the vague outline of his boyfriend as he cringed in apology and pulled away, still crouching slightly as he put his hands on the sides of his own face instead and shook his head in disbelief. “I didn’t hear you, I  _ swear”  _ he promised. “I was listening to Tina Turner...” he admitted regretfully, his fingertips punctuating the singer’s first and last name each with a poke on Patrick’s chest as he spoke. 

 

Unable to keep his eyes open or say anything else as he started to cough again, Patrick grunted out a roar of pain instead and tried to use his shirt to rub at his face rather than his bare skinned hands, which were now burning as well. 

 

“Oh god oh god oh god oh god,” David chanted, scurrying into action. Patrick listened to him move around on the floor for a few seconds. “Here!” he finally yelled out, evidently finding what he was looking for. “Oh god, okay, here,  _ here _ ... it says to rinse with water... resist touching with hands to avoid spreading... and seek medical attention immediately,” he dictated shrilly from what Patrick assumed was the back of the can of pepper spray, panic still punctuating every word. “ _ Stop touching your face!”  _ he added as he tried to slap Patrick’s hands away from what they were doing. 

 

Patrick stopped the angry rubbing motions of his hands at David’s shrieking instruction, growling again in frustration as he realized too late he had probably already made the burning worse by spreading it around. The fiery feeling had not rescinded even a little bit since he had been sprayed. “Okay, David,” he said firmly through gritted teeth, trying to take control of the situation. “I  _ need  _ you to take me to the  _ sink _ .” 

 

He felt his boyfriend’s arm immediately slink through his and steer him towards the employee bathroom in the back, still muttering  _ “Oh god oh god oh god oh god” _ the entire way there. He tried his best not to trip over David or his own feet, completely at the mercy of David’s direction without the use of his eyes. 

 

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“ _ Okay _ , we’re here, we’re here,” David said desperately as he dragged Patrick over the threshold and into the cramped bathroom. Patrick’s arms flung wildly in front of him, trying to feel for the sink and missing by a foot. David quickly turned it on for him and helped steer his head down towards the water that was now pouring out of the spout. “ _ Here _ , Patrick. Put your face here.” Perhaps a bit too forcefully, he shoved Patrick’s face directly under the flow of water. His partner started to stutter and cough again as he accidentally breathed some of the water in through his nose. “Sorry! Oh god, I’m so sorry,” he shouted as he pulled him back out a bit, unable to take any more guilt. “Oh my god. Oh my  _ god, _ I  _ maced  _ my fucking  _ boyfriend. _ ” He felt absolutely horrible. 

 

“Yeah -  _ real  _ glad I bought you that pepper spray,” Patrick retorted angrily, trying now to pry his own eyelids open and let the water help flush his eyes out.

 

“Well I didn’t know it was you,  _ obviously,” _ David replied, suddenly feeling slightly defensive. It wasn’t like he had done it on purpose. “And you hit me with an  _ umbrella _ .” 

 

Patrick stood up straight and made an attempt at glaring at David. “Oh, I’m sorry... are  _ you _ feeling the heat of a thousand suns melt your eyeballs out of their sockets right now, David? Hm?” he asked sarcastically as he gestured to his own face. 

 

David couldn’t help but cringe at the horribly red and splotchy mess that was his boyfriend’s head and hands as soon as Patrick had stood up. Any trace of defensiveness fell out of him as he realized how badly he had fucked up. “Oh my god, your poor face,” he said as he instinctively reached up to cup either side of Patrick’s head to better examine it. “You look like Deadpool. And unfortunately I do  _ not  _ mean that you look like Ryan Reynolds,” he said, shaking his head regretfully as he continued to grip Patrick’s face. “I mean that you look like the burnt and disfigured-” 

 

“ _ David _ !”

 

“Sorry!” he cringed again as he shook his head from side to side again, steering Patrick’s face back towards the water. “I’m sorry. Here. Just go back over... here.” Patrick, looking scornful, allowed David to steer his eyes back under the water. “Um… I think we should probably get you that medical attention we discussed earlier.” 

 

“And where exactly would you suggest that we get that, David,” he challenged, back to propping his eyelids open under the water as David tried to rub his back in what he hoped was a soothing motion. It at least made  _ him  _ feel better, even if it didn’t help Patrick right now. 

 

“Oh! Ted!” David suddenly exclaimed. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his cell phone before Patrick could reply. “We’ll call Ted.” He may not be a doctor for human beings, but he was the closest thing this town had to a medical professional. Finding the number with ease (a pathetically low number of people were saved in his phone nowadays), he jammed his finger on the dial button and waited anxiously for his sister’s boyfriend to answer the phone.

 

“Hello-?”

 

“Ted!” David yelled over him, failing his internal battle of reeling in his panic. “Listen - I need you to come to the Rose Apothecary, like,  _ right now _ .” 

 

“Is everything okay-?”

 

“Nope, not at all” David answered, looking down again at Patrick, who seemed to perhaps be in slightly less pain, but who looked far worse than he ever had before. “I, um… accidentally sprayed Patrick in the face...with… pepper spray.” He reluctantly mumbled the last two words. They sounded even more awful to his ears as he said them out loud, and he cringed as the words hung in the air for several seconds with no reply. His hand had stopped its rubbing motion on Patrick’s back as he waited for someone to say something. 

 

“I’m sorry…” Ted finally said slowly, clearly completely taken aback by what he had heard. “Did you just say-”

 

“ _ Yes,”  _ David cut him off again with an eye roll up to the ceiling, not wanting to hear it repeated back to himself. His hand started its rubbing motion again, slightly more aggressive than it had been before and causing Patrick to flinch underneath it. “And now his face is all horrible and splotchy and we’re just... holding it under water... But just for the record,” he added, his hand coming up to hold a finger in the air as he spoke, “there was also an umbrella involv-”

 

“ _ David, _ ” Patrick spit out from his position under the tap, taking his turn now to cut David off instead. 

 

“Right, right,” David said, wincing down at his boyfriend. “I’m so sorry,” he said as he stroked Patrick’s face quickly. “Listen, Ted, can you just come by the store as soon as possible?”

 

“David... you do understand that I’m a vet and have quite literally  _ zero  _ experience with pepper-” 

 

“Oh my  _ god _ , would you  _ please _ just come to the  _ store! _ ” David yelped into the phone, losing patience with not just the phone call, but the entire situation. 

 

Ted sighed down the other line. “Of course I will,” he conceded. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Just keep rinsing the affected area with water until I get there. Unless… do you happen to sell milk there?”

 

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“Well,” Ted said calmly, turning off the flashlight he had been shining into Patrick’s eyes and releasing his face. “His eyes are obviously still very irritated, but that’s to be expected…” Patrick could see David bite his bottom lip and wince at the vet’s comment. At least he didn’t doubt David felt bad about what had happened. “They seem to be fully responsive, though,” Ted continued. “There’s not a whole lot you can do now except monitor them to make sure they don’t get worse. The swelling and skin irritation should start to dissipate over time, now that we’ve cleaned the oils off with soap. I wouldn’t recommend using any creams since it’s technically a chemical burn.”

 

“Thanks, Ted,” Patrick said gratefully, walking out of the tiny employee bathroom and towards the showroom. All three men had been awkwardly crammed in the small space for a half hour, David having uncharacteristically insisted on staying in there for “moral support” - despite the fact that he was far too squeamish to actually watch most of the happenings. “And, uh... thanks for bringing the milk…” 

 

“No problem,” Ted replied with a curt smile as he followed him out of the bathroom with his small emergency veterinarian supplies bag, David trailing behind and biting his bottom lip and frowning even harder at the mention of the milk. Watching Ted pour milk into Patrick’s eyes had obviously been much more unpleasant for him than watching him just rinse them with water. It had certainly been a relief for Patrick, though - the stinging in his eyes and skin had faded to a much more bearable dull, tingling sensation. He had high hopes the pain would be gone entirely within another hour or two - although the red, splotchy skin irritation was a question mark. “You guys think you can take it from here?” Ted said, suddenly smirking mischievously towards David. “No more creeping around in the dark and assaulting people’s eyes?” 

 

“I don’t know,” Patrick deadpanned, turning towards David as he sunk his hands into his pockets. “David? Think you’re done…  _ assaulting  _ me? Did you, uh… get that all out of your system, or-” 

 

“Yeah, should be fine” David interrupted, giving him a sarcastic smile in return and crossing his arms defensively in front of his chest. “Thank you very much again, Ted,” he directed at the vet now, walking over towards the front door to hold it open for him as he left with a polite wave. David shut the door behind him, taking an abnormally long time to turn back towards Patrick.  

 

When he did finally turn around to face him fully, one arm still outstretched and leaning on the doorknob as he put his other hand on his hip, he looked more than a little remorseful. Patrick held his gaze for a few seconds with his hands still in his pockets, trying not to crack first. He couldn’t really stay mad about something that was technically an accident and that David clearly felt bad about, but he figured David owed him a  _ little  _ bit of sufferance for what he had gone through. 

 

Eventually, unable to stand the silence for very long, David sucked his lips into his mouth and raised his eyebrows. “So, I, uh… take it the plumber finished early-?”

 

“Yep,” Patrick said over him, nodding his head in agreement as David’s mouth clamped shut. 

 

“Right, okay…” he muttered quietly, closing his eyes and nodding as well. When he opened them again, he was unable to meet Patrick’s face. “And I’ve, uh… mentioned how  _ completely _ sorry I am... right?” 

 

“You may have mentioned it once or twice,” Patrick agreed, still nodding and making sure to keep his face impassive. 

 

“Mhm, good, okay...” David said awkwardly, hand still on his hip. “So, did you, uh… want me to drive you  _ home _ , or-”

 

“Oh,” Patrick said over him again, removing one hand from its pocket and motioning towards his own face. “You mean… because you, uh... sprayed my eyes with a highly corrosive chemical substance and now they won’t stop leaking long enough for me to see properly?” 

 

“That’s not-” David started, vehemently shaking his head and shutting his eyes again in denial, despite obviously being unable to actually verbally oppose what he knew was true. “No, I didn’t-”

 

“You disfigured me, David,” he stated dryly, throwing the word his boyfriend had used earlier back at him for added impact as he watched the man continue to shake his head. He knew he was pushing it, but he couldn’t help but watch his partner squirm. Certainly he was owed that, at least? “Yep. You did,” he said confidently over David’s continually whispered  _ “no” _ s. “Yeah, and now I get to walk around looking like  _ Deadpool _ .”  

 

“Okay,  _ so _ ,” David finally cracked, releasing the door and striding over to Patrick as he bit his bottom lip. “I probably shouldn’t have said  _ that _ ” he said apologetically with a slight wince, one of his fists coming up to cover his mouth as his eyes darted up to the ceiling to avoid Patrick’s smug look. 

 

“Yeah, probably not,” Patrick agreed plainly, unable to keep up the ruse as he finally allowed himself to smirk at David’s expense. He figured David had almost suffered enough. 

 

David caught the smile out of the corner of his eye and lowered his fist slightly to his chin, sucking his lips inside his mouth again to keep from smiling too big back at him as he realized he was going to get off the hook. “So, are you going to hate me forever... or…” 

 

“That depends. Are you going to  _ mace  _ me again?” Patrick asked defiantly in return, still smirking. 

 

“ _ Never _ ,” David stage whispered as he shook his head, moving closer so that only a few inches separated their faces now. 

 

Patrick finally conceded defeat with a good-natured roll of his eyes and reached his arms out to pull David in the rest of the way, wrapping them around his lower back. “So, how’s my face look now?” he asked slightly self-consciously. 

 

David brought his arms up to wrap around Patrick’s neck and shook his head again. “No.  _ Nope. _ I’d, uh… like to plead the fifth,” he said humorously as he leaned in to close the distance between them, earning a huff of laughter from Patrick before their lips finally met. Patrick could feel the tension of the night’s events slowly drain out of him as he allowed David to kiss him for a few moments.

 

“ _ Oh my god _ ,” David said suddenly as he abruptly stopped the kiss a short minute later, one of his hands coming up to touch his own lips. “I think my lips are tingling,” he said in astonishment, looking down at Patrick’s mouth in an offended manner. 

 

Patrick couldn’t help but grin even wider, biting his bottom lip to keep his laughter inside. “I uh… kind of hoped that would happen,” he admitted with a wink. 

 

‘Huh,” David replied with narrowed eyes, tongue poking the inside of his cheek as he tried not to smile back. He leaned in and gave Patrick one more quick peck before disentangling himself and walking over to grab the keys and turn the lights off. 

 

The couple exited the shop, Patrick making extra sure to lock the front door before they made their way over to where he had parked. He threw David the car keys and smiled to himself as David fumbled to catch them before unlocking the vehicle and letting himself into the driver’s seat. Patrick let himself into the passenger side, buckling himself in while David started the vehicle. 

 

“So,” David started, putting the vehicle into drive and pulling away from the curb, “Just so we have our story straight, what are we going to tell people tomorrow about the whole, uh…  _ situation _ … with your face?” 

 

Patrick looked over at him with raised eyebrows. “Oh, I fully intend on telling anyone who asks the truth,” he deadpanned. 

 

Patrick looked over at him and gasped. “ _ What? _ No, absolutely not,” he said as he shook his head and turned his eyes back towards the road. “No. We’ll just have to lie. We can come up with something-”

 

“Oh, don’t worry, David,” Patrick said teasingly over his boyfriend’s ranting. “I’m sure they’ll all understand.” 

 

“ _ No _ !” David repeated, now sounding completely scandalized. “Oh my god,  _ no _ . You  _ cannot  _ tell people that I  _ maced _ you! That is not an image that I wish to convey to people, Patrick.” 

 

“Hm,” Patrick replied, turning to look out the passenger window as he smirked. “Probably should have thought about that before you called your  _ sister’s boyfriend  _ for help... “ 

 

“Oh my  _ GOD,”  _ David yelled again, a hand shooting out to cling to Patrick’s forearm and his eyes widening as the implication of what Patrick was saying instantly struck home. “She is going to tell  _ everybody _ !” 

 

“She sure is,” Patrick agreed as he turned back towards his partner. “It’s, uh… really too bad,” he said with mock sympathy, earning an exaggerated eye roll from David. 

 

“Well,” he said definitively as he shook his head, hand releasing Patrick’s arm and gesturing in the air. “We’re just going to have to move. That’s that. We just can’t live here anymore.” 

 

Patrick couldn’t help but laugh at the dramatics. Feeling slightly bad for rubbing it in again, he reached out and grabbed David’s hand from the air, entwining their fingers together and reaching down to kiss the top of David’s hand in an attempt to soothe him. It seemed to have the desired effect. 

 

“I suppose we  _ could _ run away together,” he said quietly as David pulled into the driveway of his house and turned off the engine. The drive home from work really wasn’t that long for him. “Or…” he added with a mischievous smirk, “we could just tell everyone that Alexis did it.”

 

“Hm", David hummed deviously, turning his body towards the passenger seat and leaning over as close as he could. “Have I ever mentioned that I love you?”

 

Patrick grinned and leaned in the rest of the way, only a couple of inches separating them now. It never ceased to amaze him how much of an impact those words from David had on him. “You may have mentioned once or twice,” he answered quietly with the same phrase he had already used once before that night. He closed the gap and kissed the smile off of David's face, his free hand that wasn't still holding David's coming up to wrap around the back of his neck and pull him in further. 

 

He deepened the kiss and let it go on for a couple of minutes before pulling away, just an inch or so. “Don’t I remember you saying you had a thing for Deadpool?” he asked huskily, a flirtatious smirk on his face. 

 

David couldn’t help but return his smile before biting his bottom lip. “Um, I’m pretty sure my  _ thing _ was for Ryan Reynolds…” he said teasingly. “But I wouldn’t necessarily be…  _ opposed _ … to spending a night with Deadpool. You know... if he happened to invite me.” 

 

“Interesting,” Patrick replied with a smile, leaning in to kiss him again. He smiled into it as he thought to himself that perhaps the night wasn’t going to end as terribly as he had expected it to an hour ago. 

 

Even if he looked like Deadpool.  

 

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**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to anyone who read it - please comment or "kudos" if you enjoyed this! :) 
> 
> -ArticulateFiction xx


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